Subject to anti-gentrification protests and kicking up a fuss in Brick Lane since 2014, Cereal Killers is one of those places you read about in Time Out that you just have to go to. You’re not going for good food, you’re going for the novelty of eating five different types of cereal, surrounded by Kenan and Kel videos, coming out with the highest sugar rush you’ve had since flying saucers. And if that costs an arm and a leg then so be it.
I’d walked past the cafe a few times when strolling about Shoreditch, but never had the time to face the queue that’s usually out the door and 20 yards down the street. But thankfully an early Saturday morning gave me a window to check the place out without it being too busy.
The sheer amount of choice is insane! Who knew so many varieties of Shreddies existed. And it’s not just sugar filled junk on the shelves, although this is clearly the best type! They have muesli, granola, pop-tarts, pretty much anything that goes with milk or can be toasted.
Instead of squinting my way through the never ending list or gazing at the rows of animated cereal boxes that I’d never seen before, I went for the easy option and settled for a cereal cocktail called the Double Rainbow: Trix, Fruity Pebs, freeze dried marshmallows and strawberry milk. A glorious bowl of artificial colours and E numbers. This is by far the easiest option, especially if there’s a queue building up behind you pressuring you to hurry up so they can get their sugar fix. The Double Rainbow is the best for anyone looking for a taste of America’s favourites, but other cocktails on the list include the Bowloccino (Nesquick, Coco Pops, Flake and espresso milk) and the Banarama (banana mini Weetabix, fresh banana, nutella and banana milk).
Sure, it was sickly, it was unhealthy and it was over priced (the cocktails cost between £4 – £5), but I was expecting all of that. I know they charge an extortionate margin b you’re not paying for the food, you’re paying for the quirky idea that two entrepreneurial brothers came up with that turned the concept of a cafe on its head. And I’m fine with that. If you’re not, you’re better off at the Pret A Manger on Shoreditch High Street.
It’s never going to be anyones regular, “go to” place to have breakfast. But as an occasional eye-opener to the full scale of cereals that exist, and a bit of a laugh when you’re in the area, I love it!